A FireStone Beast in a Nameless City
by girfukker6669
Summary: A mysterious stone is found by Finn and Jake on one of their various travels. What does it do? What will it bring? A second storyline: The new neighbor gets caught in Dib's Bigfoot trap! Rated T for censored cursing, maybe violence.
1. Not As Short a Prelude, But Still Short

Jake the Dog and Finn the Human were racing to the Candy Kingdom. "C'mon, Jake! I'm gonna beat you this time around!"

"Not today!" Jake stretched his legs so that he passed by Finn in two long strides.

While running to catch up with long-legged Jake, Finn tripped on a large stone. At least, it _looked_ like a stone. It was a dull purplish-grey in color, slightly bigger than a loaf of bread. It radiated heat. "Hey, come look at this thing."

When Jake turned around to see the thing, he felt the warmth emanating from it. His eyes widened in realization. "Finn, this might be one of those fire-stones that the old homeless guy from the Slime Kingdom told us about! 'He who knows how to use this stone can wield the power of infinite flames.'"

"_Sweet_! Let's try it out!" Finn picked up the stone - or, at least, he tried to. The stone was unbelievably heavy.

Jake attempted to pick up the stone, and succeeded in doing so. "So," he questioned, "what do we do now?"

"Hm." The twosome thought for a minute. Finn came up with an idea: "Maybe we should go ask PB. She knows a lot about science and stuff. Maybe she knows how these work?"

"Good idea. Get on!" The boy climbed onto Jake's back and ran off where they had intended to go to in the first place.

In the distance, a man hidden in the shadow of a nearby tree watched and laughed. "Fire-stone indeed. I can't _wait_ to see the surprise on their faces when that 'stone' hatches. Then the Jerk will have another beast to uglify..." The man disappeared in a cloud of dust and sparkles.

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><p><strong>AN: Another super-short intro? Big story on the horizon... But probably not as popular among the masses as NSWL.**

**But we'll see how this does...**


	2. A Completely Unrelated Storyline

**A/N: Warning: this is were the really ridiculous crossover comes in.**

**And by really ridiculous, I mean it won't make any sense at all until further on. **

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><p>Evanescence was blasting throughout the Membrane household. Dib stormed into his twelve-year-old sister's room, not bothering to worry about the various flesh-eating robots inside. He had to shout so loud, his voice cracked. "Gaz, could you lower that so it can't be heard from downstairs? If I can't listen to my music without headphones, then you can't listen to yours!"<p>

"Sh*t, Dib, I guess I _was_ wrong. Puberty only made your voice _more_ annoying. Go away." Gaz only turned the volume up higher.

"Will you shut those emo terror-scream recordings off? I knew you liked to hear your victims scream, but I didn't think that you'd bother to go _this_ far." Before Gaz could get up and kill her brother, Dib slammed the door and ran downstairs. Sitting down on the living room couch, he turned on the television. "Let's see... QVC, Discovery, Food Network, Hub, HGTV, Animal Planet... Shoot, all these new channels after Nickelodeon got bored of us, and _still_ nothing on." He kept flipping the channel until he reached Cartoon Network. Currently on: Adventure Time.

"'You're not a genius, you're not a genius.'

'That's the last straw, Ash! You're a psycho jerk and you ruined my life.'

'But-but not all of it!'

'It's over you psycho!'

'This way, Finn! Check out this wacked out memory crack! It's ba-nay-nay down here!'"

Dib looked at the screen with slight confusion. "'Ba-nay-nay'? _Really_? Cartoons sure aren't what they used to be." He shook his head. "Quality writing and humor, completely replaced with, basically, what GIR would come up with on a daily basis. Well, stupid GIR, at least."

He pulled out NaInCom to look up more about this Adventure Time show. She spoke up. "What would you consider a good show?"

"Old stuff, from at least ten years ago. I mean, even Spongebob and Fairly Odd Parents have gotten bad after ten years. It makes you kinda feel bad for Timmy; at least Nickelodeon gave Zim and me some mercy after a few years." He typed in Adventure Time in Google.

The laptop wasn't done questioning yet. "Do you consider Invader Zim a good show?"

Dib clicked on the link to the Wikipedia page. "Ahahaha, hell no! It may just be because I was a part of it, and not a good part; but Invader Zim may have just been one of the first bad shows! I mean, look at GIR! Almost every show afterwards had to have some retarded, stupid character. Patrick and Cosmo were pretty funny at first, but got worse as time went on."

"Is there any show now that might be good?"

"I don't really know... There was some show that had a lot of good references in it, by the person who was head writer of Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, and worked on a lot of the Powerpuff Girls... What was it again?" In a new window, NaInCom opened a Wikipedia article about another cartoon, which had a pink, fluffy looking logo. Dib quickly closed out of that. "_Right_, forgot for a minute."

"Why do you avoid that cartoon so much? Supposedly, a large group of men enjoy that show..."

Dib read through the Adventure Time Wikipedia page as he spoke. "That's the problem. A show intended for little girls, being watched by a bunch of men that could probably father these girls. That means that there will be crazy fans. Crazy, insane, will-defend-this-show-at-any-cost fans."

"Like your fans?"

"_Exactly_. Both Zim and I have enough fans that want to rape us. I don't want to bother getting into another crowd of fans who would like to do the same thing to a bunch of horses." Dib reached the bottom of the webpage.

"Ponies."

"Whatever. Anyway, this Adventure Time show seems to prove my original point: Cartoons today are way too random and stupid."

"Well, at least you were out of the business before it got too bad. You got out before the show was ruined, and the fans are still around."

Dib closed out of the Wikipedia page. "Yeah... But I bet that our show wouldn't be as popular if it wasn't cancelled. And no one would like it if it wasn't made by JV."

"How would you know? Maybe if it didn't have Jhonen Vasquez's dark sense of humor, it would've been more popular with its intended crowd."

"And we would fade out of existence once we were gone because our fans were too young to bother to remember. No matter which way you look at it, it'll never be perfect like you hope." Dib looked at the television screen: it currently played through an overly used commercial. He stood up and walked into the kitchen, setting the table for dinner. He pulled some frozen food out of the fridge - well, the label said Food, but it didn't look very appetizing - and stuck it in the microwave. He ran upstairs to get Gaz down to eat.

From her room, she stated, "Dib, I heard the microwave. I'm coming."

Talking to himself, Dib wondered, "How could she hear the microwave _and_ me coming up the stairs with that music blasting?"

:~:~:

Much later that night, Dib was lying in bed, trying to fall asleep. He could hear something from outside of his room. "Is Gaz _still_ playing her music this late? It's really starting to sound like the screams of some torture victim."

When he realized that the noises weren't coming from the direction of Gaz's room, but from the house next door, he sighed. "Great. Now our new next-door neighbors are into that stuff too?"

After about a half minute of the "music", it quieted down. There was silence for a while. Dib was about to finally fall asleep when an alert on NaInCom went off.

"CREATURE CAUGHT IN BIGFOOT TRAP."

Dib jumped out of bed and yanked on his glasses and trench coat, still wearing his pajamas. "Yes! He finally took the bait!" He ran down into the garage. From inside, he could hear various shouts and curses. With curiosity, Dib opened the door.

"Hey... You're not Bigfoot!"

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><p><strong>AN: I warned you. It's a completely different storyline! I bet you weren't expecting that, were you?**

**... I probably just disappointed a bunch of Adventure Time fans with this chapter. Don't worry, the story alternates from one storyline to another each chapter.**

**Also, before I get flamed for this: No, I don't have anything against Bronies, Evanescence fans, or other Invader Zim fans. It's only Dib's prejudice opinion. **


	3. The Tale of the Magic Man

**A/N: What time is it? **

**ADVENTURE TIME!**

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><p>Princess Bubblegum was in her lab, working on a food-cloning device, when Finn and Jake climbed in through an open window. "Finn, Jake, what are you two doing here? Did you get the cloenium?"<p>

Finn jumped off of Jake's back and landed next to the princess with a _thud_. "No, but we found this rock!"

"A rock? Finn, why in the world would you get distracted by a ro-" As she said this, she saw the stone that Finn was holding. She stared in disbelief. "Is... Is _this_ the rock you were talking about?"

"Yeah! Me and Jake thought you would know what to do with it, since you're all into science and junk."

Princess Bubblegum yanked the stone out of Finn's hands, turning it over and over. "Finn, this isn't a rock. Rocks don't create their own heat." She turned the object over a few more times, sighing after she finished. "Good. You guys didn't break it."

Jake shrunk down to see what all the commotion was for. "If it isn't a stone, then what is it?"

The princess gently placed the stone down on the lab table. "This is a rare dragon egg."

Both Finn and Jake gave her a confused look. Finn tried to inform the princess, "Dragons aren't rare, PB. They're actually pretty common around here in Ooo."

"No no, Finn! Not the dragons you're used to seeing! Those are all goofy and ridiculous looking! I mean real, _majestic_ dragons. The kinds that have large wings, sharp claws and teeth, serpentine heads, lizard-like bipedal bodies... Those dragons." As she described the dragon, she moved around and made various gestures, obviously taking this all very seriously.

Finn was still confused. "Why are these types of dragons so rare? They seem like they would be very well off around here..."

"It's a long story..." Finn and Jake both sat down eagerly. The princess sighed. "Okay, fine. At one time, Ooo was filled with majestic dragons, the ones I just described to you. They were the most powerful species, overpowering even the wizards and other magic-users. One nameless wizard was greatly angered by this. He went out to watch these dragons, day by day, taking note of each of their strengths and weaknesses. After many months of research, this wizard had created a spell that would weaken a dragon to almost completely powerless. The spell transformed the dragon into the pitiful creature you see today. He used the spell on all the dragons he could find, teaching the spell to other magic-users so they could help, eventually making them more powerful. The nameless magician was considered a hero by other magic-users, who called him the Magic Man. The dragons, however, hated him, thus simply calling him a jerk. The Magic Man found the insult funny, so he insisted that everyone should call him a jerk just to ridicule the dragons further. However, all this power and fame got to the Magic Man's head. He started to go slightly insane. When there were no more dragons to use his spell on, he started using the spell on other creatures, which had various effects. The magic-users eventually abandoned and forgot about him, leaving him to do as he pleases. He is said to roam Ooo to this day."

Finn was awestruck. "The Magic Man... This has to be the same guy as the one who turned me into a giant foot!" The boy was enraged now. "I _knew_ he was crazy enough, but now I know he's completely out of his mind! Destroying the dragons! Who would do-"

Jake covered his friend's mouth to try to calm him. Princess Bubblegum looked at him with surprise. "You've met the Magic Man before, Finn? And... He turned you into a _foot_?"

Jake answered for Finn, since the boy was still calming down. "Yeah, it was one of those one-day adventure things... Wasn't that big a deal."

"Wasn't that big a deal?" It was the princess's turn to become enraged. "_Wasn't that big a deal_? Of course it was a big deal! This man has ruined the lives of many people, not to mention he started the mass genocide of the great dragons!"

Jake was now stuck with trying to calm down the two of them, who were both practically masters of the art of rage. During the entire story, and through all the noise and anger, no one noticed the egg sitting on the table as it cracked, eventually hatching.

The newborn dragon watched as princess and warrior fumed, while dog tried to calm them down. It watched as its egg tooth fell onto the table with a light _clink_, bouncing around and rolling onto the floor. It gnawed on its eggshell to see how it tasted. With disgust, it spat the piece out of its mouth, accidentally onto dog.

Jake spun around. "Hey, not coo-" When he saw who spat at him, he stopped.

Finn removed Jake's hand from his mouth. Whispering, as not to scare the creature, "It's the dragon!"

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><p><strong>AN: So...**

**This was a shorter chapter than I expected... Oh well. Next up is another Invader Zim chapter. **

**Until then, Happy Easter! (Or Passover. That's still going on, right?)**


	4. Thy Neighbors Traumatize Back

**A/N: Yay! Invader Zim chapter! And it's a better length!**

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><p>A thin man with a striped shirt and black hair was thrashing around in the trap. "No I'm not Bigfoot, you little brat! Get me out of here!"<p>

Dib yawned, slightly disappointed. "Why the heck did you come in here? And another thing: who are you?"

The man slowed his struggling for a bit. "My name is Johnny. Most people call me Nny, if I haven't killed them yet. It isn't any of your business why I'm here. Now let me out!"

"Killed them?" Dib thought for a moment. "_Wait_, are you the guy who's been committing all of those vampirism acts? Are you a vampire?" He pulled a camera out of his coat, just in case.

Nny lunged out at the boy, as if to attack him out of anger. "No, I am not a vampire! Those were not acts of vampirism! I don't _drink_ the blood, I need it for the Wall!"

Dib stared at the man incredulously. "_Wall_? You need it for a wall?"

"Yes. The monster won't come out if I keep the wall wet."

Dib pulled out a small book with a blank cover, leafing through it until he found the page he was looking for. "_Daemonium intramurum_? You can see the intramurum in your home?"

It was Nny's turn to be comfused. "A _what_?"

Dib read a passage out of the book. "'_Daemonium intramurum_: literally means "Demon inside wall". Found in almost any home over ten years of age, this species of _Daemonium_ is only known to a few people of the entire species' choice. It sleeps until one of these chosen few comes near. Once found, these creatures must be fed the blood of humans constantly. If not fed, these creatures escape to find the blood for themselves.' Is _this_ the monster that you're talking about?"

"Yes... How do you know about it? What's in that book?"

Dib stared at Nny, quickly placing the book back into his coat. "Research from the best. Now, if you can see your intramurum, then that must be what the killings are for. Okay. I'll let you go, since I don't want to have to bother with sealing away any more demons than I have to." Dib pushed a few buttons on the garage wall, releasing Nny. The man fell to the floor, knocking over a few tools on a nearby workbench. "Again, why were you in my house? This house is only three years old, since there was an 'accident' that occurred before that destroyed the original house. Any attempt at releasing an intramurum here would be in vain."

"Look, I didn't know anything about these 'intromural' things other than the fact that I have to paint the wall with blood. I was coming here to see what my new neighbors were like. Now I know. I'll get going now."

Dib opened up the garage door, which Nny left the house through. As the man was leaving, Dib caled out, "Alright, make sure no one catches you doing this stuff; they'll send you to the wacky shack for sure."

Upon hearing this, Nny sharply turned around. "_What did you just say?_"

Dib elaborated. "Well, anyone who might see you would think you're pretty wacky, covering a wall in-" Before the boy could finish, Nny had him by the throat, pinning him against the wall.

"WACKY? DID YOU JUST SAY WACKY, YOU LITTLE F*CKING BRAT?"

Dib wasn't all that scared. As a matter of fact, he laughed. "You sound kind of like my mother on a good day! What's so bad about the word wacky?"

"IT'S THE STUPIDEST, MOST RETARDED WORD THAT MANKIND COULD EVER COME UP WITH! YOU BETTER SHUT UP, YOU LITTLE SMARTASS!"

"Smartass? Really? My little sister can come up with better curses."

"YOU C*CK-SUCKING LITTLE SONOFAB*TCH! QUIT TRYING TO BE FUNNY!"

"Hm, getting better with the names. But it's offensive to homosexuals to call someone gay as an insult. Try using a name that's open to more orientations."

Nny tried using another approach. He pulled a small knife out from his pocket. He held it up, saying, "Enough with the insults. Do I have to use this?"

Dib laughed again. "What are you going to do woth _that_ thing? Cut off my fingers?" He held up his hands, four fingers on each. "Sorry, but my mom beat you to that one."

"What if I were to tell you that my house's Wall was running dry?"

"Then I would tell you to find another victim with _real_ blood. If you don't mind me demonstating..." Dib snatched the knife and pricked his finger, a drop of blue liquid slipping through the wound. "... Then you would see that my blood isn't natural, made in Membrane Laboratories, by the Professor himself."

Nny let go of Dib's neck. "Okay, you big-headed freak. I'll leave you alone." He started to leave the garage as Dib said something, too quietly to hear. "What was that?"

Dib repeated himself in a calm, even tone. "I said, 'My head's not big.'"

Nny stopped walking. "Are you _kidding_ me? It's _humongous_!"

"Must I repeat myself? My head's not big."

"Yes, it is. Especially for your age. Is that another thing they did to you in those laboratories, testing out how ridiculous one person could look? That's the only thing that could explain the haircut, too."

"Looks like you won't listen, just like everyone else. You make yourself look so tough, but I bet you couldn't even last one Nightmare."

"A nightmare? I've had plenty of-"

Dib interrupted him. "Not one of _your_ nightmares. I mean a Nightmare. Just think of your intramurum, but a whole bunch of them, replacing every single person you ever knew, dead or alive. Now think of them coming after you almost every time you closed your eyes."

Nny's eye twitched, but then he shook his head, trying to rid himself of the idea. "Just so you know, I'm an insomniac. Anyway, I think I've had enough of your freakish ideas for today." With that, Nny walked out of the garage.

Dib closed the garage door and walked back into his room. "Well, he seems like a nice neighbor. But now it's time to hope that I get lucky and fall asleep without a Nightmare tonight." He hung his coat back up and took off his glasses. Once he was in bed, he realized something. "I wonder how Gaz slept through Johnny's cursing and shouting?"

Unfortunately for Dib, it wasn't his lucky night. Neither was the next day. It ended up that Gaz _did_ hear the entire thing, and it kept her up through a large chunk of the night. For payback, Dib was stuck with a horrible pain emanating from his groin for the entire morning.

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><p><strong>AN: Looks like Dib's life is still horrible. At least he doesn't get as angry over the whole big-head insult. **

**Well, he doesn't show it as much. **

**So, who thinks that I did a horrible job with Nny's personality? Anyone?**


	5. The Wrong Name

**A/N: Another AT update. Here you go!**

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><p>The newborn dragon stared at dog with confusion. Warrior and princess noticed it, and warrior, princess, and dog watched the hatchling. It became self-conscious, wondering what the three were staring at. Looking back and forth between dog, warrior, and princess, it started to whimper.<p>

Princess Bubblegum quickly took hold of the indigo-colored hatchling, trying to soothe it. "Nonono, don't be nervous. Everything's okay. _Shhhh_..."

It ceased to whimper, calmed by princess's grasp. It leaned against princess, closing its eyes in content.

Finn watched as the newborn dragon fell asleep in Princess Bubblegum's arms. "So... Now what do we do?"

The princess looked at the young dragon. "Well, it's probably best to figure out who's going to take care of it."

Finn jumped up excitedly. "Me and Jake could take care of him!"

Jake stared at his buddy. "Say what now? Finn, remember the _last time_ we tried to take care of a wild creature?"

"Oh yeah..." There was a pause as Finn thought. "But we'll take better care of this little guy! We'll learn all we need to know about him, and make sure he's protected!"

Princess Bubblegum pondered this idea for a moment. "Hm... Okay. Just come with me, and I'll show you all the research I can get."

The threesome walked into the castle's library. As the princess put the hatchling down on a table, Jake realized something. "Hey, we aren't just going to call him Dragon, are we? Shouldn't we think of a good name for him?"

Picking up a book filled with various dragon stories and myths, they started to shout out names, seeing how they fit the creature asleep on the table.

"Galeru!"

"Chrysophylax!"

"Fafnir!"

"Kalseru!"

"Ryujin!"

Finn tried coming up with one on the spot. "Spike!"

Both Princess Bubblegum and Jake stared at the boy. "Um... Finn?" the princess explained, "We can't use that one. We would get filed with copyright issues."

"Aw man." Finn read another name out of the book. "Sirrush!"

"Nithhogr!"

"Ouroboros!"

"Y Ddraig Goch!"

Princess Bubblegum slammed the book, closing it. "_Ugh_! We're not going to figure out a name for it by just reading them out of a book! You guys can name it later. For now, you need to learn how to take care of it and protect it." She pulled out a large book with a picture of two dragons on the cover. "This book has all you'll need in it. For now, you should stay in _Chapter Two: Caring For Abandoned Hatchlings_." She flipped open to the first page of that chapter. She started to walk out of the library. "Have fun! Sorry I can't stay, but I have to finish the rest of that food-cloning device!"

Disappointed, Finn squinted at the small text in the book. "Jake, you can read through this. I'll think of a name for him."

Jake sighed. "Fine. But you better come with an awesome name."

"It'll be the _best_ dragon name anyone had ever come up with." Now filled with determination, Finn sat down next to the table the hatchling was sleeping on. He stared at the purplish-blue dragon. "Come on, little guy. You need an awesome name. Could you help think of anything, or are you just going to lie there and snooze?"

The hatchling slowly awoke from slumber. Now fully rested, it could think straight. Warrior - no, Finn, his name was - was watching it as it pulled itself into a sitting position. Dog - er, Jake - was reading a large stack of parchments bound together.

"So, now that you're awake, can you help come up with a name for yourself?"

_A... Name? I don't know any names, and even if I did, I'm not sure if I would like them._ "Hrrr-rrrgh."

"Right, you can't speak." Finn turned to face Jake. "Hey Jake, does that book say anything about when dragons learn to talk?"

"Uh, lemme check." Jake leafed through the pages. "Nope. It doesn't mention whether they even learn to speak at all, other than this language called dragontongue, which they know at birth."

"Oh well. Looks like you won't be able to help me come up with a name, then..." Finn looked around for a book of names.

_Not very creative at the moment, huh?_ "Rrrhr grrh, r?"

Finn pulled out two books, one bright blue and the other magenta. "Okay, I got two here... The Awesome Names: for Guys and The Awesome Names: for Girls." He put down the magenta one and read through the blue one. "Lucius, Del, Boyce, ..." Finn went on, listing names.

_Waitaminute, these are all _guy_ names! I'm not a guy!_ "Rrrghrrgr!"

Finn ignored the hatchling's attempts at getting his attention. "... Malik, Lonny, Alonso, Cedrick, Britt, - Hey, Britt sounds pretty cool. Jake, what do you think about Britt for the dragon's name?"

"Yeah, Britt sounds kinda fitting for the little guy."

Finn closed up the book. "Whoo! Britt it is!"

_I'm not a guy! Listen to me!_ The hatchling spoke slowly, to see if that helped the two understand her better. "Rrrgh, hrr, gr!"

Finn finally took note of the dragon. "Huh? What's the matter, Britt?"

"He might be hungry," Jake noted. "It says here that hatchlings have to be fed fresh meat five times a day."

"Okay, then, let's get Britt something to eat!" Finn picked up the little dragon. She didn't struggle, knowing that she was only going to be fed. Once outside, Finn climbed up onto Jake's back, who stretched upwards and ran off in search of game to feed the hatchling. "What time is it?"

Jake shouted jokingly in response, "Feeeeding Time!" The two friends laughed, and the hatchling watched the scenery of sky and field as it flew by.

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><p><strong>AN: Mmyep. That's it for now.**

**So... Good? Bad? Don't know? Don't care? Etc.?**


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